


We are the reckless

by astr0cat



Category: British Actor RPF, Loki: Agent of Asgard, Thor: The Dark World - Fandom
Genre: M/M, ow my heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 20:06:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6673768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astr0cat/pseuds/astr0cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Songfic formed from the song youth by daughter: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VEpMj-tqixs</p>
    </blockquote>





	We are the reckless

**Author's Note:**

> Songfic formed from the song youth by daughter: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VEpMj-tqixs

_Shadows settle on the place, that you left._

Tom stared at the other side of the bed, the now desolate space that once was occupied by none other than a god. The darkness now consumed more of the bed than the brunette was comfortable with, shadows dancing in the creases of the fabric every time the actor dared to move.

_Our minds are troubled by the emptiness._

Anxiety bubbled up from the depths of his mind along with worry, worry if the god was ever coming back, if he had meant all those words he had screamed. If he really hated him, if he really did wish harm upon Tom, if he really meant he was leaving forever. He knew Loki could become angry, could say venomous words that were false, but every single time he couldn't tell if the god was truly lying or not.

_Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time._

Biting his lips was all the actor could do to keep himself silent, he was alone now. Why had he tried to have hope, Loki had never left him before so why did he hope for his return?

_From the perfect start to the finish line._

The two of them had started off so well, a flawless beginning only to be scraped and clawed at by the rough claws of time. They hadn't fought until almost three months in, from there on the quarrels only increased and became more poisonous. Lies had flown from their mouths, insults swimming through the air as each of them barked out words. In the end it was always Thomas who had cried and Loki who always stormed off in anger. 

Despite how strong the brunette had tried to be, he was still too weak to defend himself through the verbal fights.

_And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones._

Tom took a breath, letting the air fill his lungs as his breath quivered. How could he breathe when he was swimming in this sea of sorrow? When his very organs had been bruised and scarred, tainted?

_'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs._

He had officially joined the rest of the world in all its misery, he could see now why the god had hated Earth so much. “Midgard” as he had referred to it before.

_Setting fire to our insides for fun_

Taking another breath, the inhale more fragile than the other, he rolled over so his gaze faced the white surface of the ceiling instead of the lonely bedside. Of course the god wouldn't come back, after all...all those words had been true...hadn’t they? Tom was weak, he was useless, he was but a speck of dust compared to Loki. He was nothing, nothing nothing nothing.

The brunette ran a hand through his chestnut curls, his eyes aching from the attempt to keep the tears inside. He was sure they were bloodshot by now, his nose threatening to run but he kept it under control.

_Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong_

Slowly turning his face to look at the shelf beside him, he was met with the picture of Loki. The god holding the brunette in his arms as he looked off to the side, making a great effort to hide the smile that tugged at his lips.

_The lovers that went wrong._

Tom lost it, curling in on himself as his hands flung up to his face in a conscious attempt to cover his fragileness. Maybe if he hid it away, maybe if he got stronger the ravenette would come back to him. Sobs coursed through his form forcing his body to shudder as each wheeze left him.

His eyes were what he tried to hide the most, the urge to cover the tears stronger than anything at the moment.

_We are the reckless,_

Suddenly he stood from the mattress, the sheets flying from his form as his feet hit the floor. With angry sobs still flying out of him he stomped around the house. In his rage he failed to see the table to the left of him, his hip slamming into it sending a vase crashing down onto his foot. 

A startled shriek left his throat as the shards of glass burrowed into his heel, his toes, his whole fucking foot. More weakness, he was being weak, he was weak, he was nothing but weak. Weak. **Weak. WEAK.**

_We are the wild youth_

The brit crashed to his knees, the sharp clear shards piercing the skin easily as gravity brought him down. His hands flew to his face as he quietly sobbed, his cries muted through his palms. It hurt. It hurt but he was being so strong. Maybe he could get stronger and stronger until he didn't cry anymore, until he took away his emotions and freed his brain from the feeling of pain. But the pain in his knees, his feet, it was too much and it sent his yells over the edge once more. His short lived whimpers turning into howls again.

_Chasing visions of our futures_

Tom had strived to become who he was and yet it wasn’t good enough for the one he loved most. But he knew why the god always called him weak, he knew and that’s what upset him. It wasn't an excuse to harass the actor over it, but it was good enough that Thomas would accept it.

He was mortal, he would pass on in what seemed like the blink of an eye to Loki. He was nothing. Perhaps that was the reason the man left, because he could save himself the grief of the brunette’s death by just leaving.

_One day we'll reveal the truth_

Tom still didn't know for a fact if that was the answer, maybe it was more. Not like he would know anytime soon, the man wasn't coming back. Besides, the god would probably just grow bored of him anyways, he’s only human. He's just another toy.

_That one will die before he gets there._

But just because he was human didn't mean it had to end. Even if Tom would die, he wouldn't die for a long time. He still had multiple decades left. But then again...he was sickeningly weak. He could get injured, he could die.

_And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones._

The brunette held onto his foot softly, watching as blood gushed out in crimson waves. His sobs had calmed down despite all the pain he was in, face buried in his own arm as he sought out the comfort he cherished.

_'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone._

A sudden numbness spread throughout his body, stifling his cries so only his breaths hitched. Tears still splashed out of his eyes and plummeted down his cheeks but he felt...he felt cold. He felt betrayed, he felt tired, he felt lonely.

_We're setting fire to our insides for fun._

He could hear Loki’s voice in his head, screaming at him after he'd gotten wounded. Again.

“You hold me down! You are but a speck of dust, and just look at how easily you break! It’s as if I blew on you that you'd simply perish! You're an insect.” The god had seethed out all his words, anger radiating off of him. It was only when Tom sobbed that he spoke up again. “And just look at you-always crying. You're insides are as unguarded as your outsides.”

_Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home,_

Thomas tugged at a piece of glass in his knee, brows furrowing up farther as it refused to come loose. After a few moments he gave up with the attempt of pulling it free and sat against the side of the table beside him, back against the wood. His fingers fumbled with the shards in his skin, playing with different ones once he grew bored with the current one. Most of them ending up deeper than before, scarlet flowing out of them and down his legs, pooling in a puddle on the carpet.

_It was a flood that wrecked this home._

It seemed like the blood never stopped, it just kept coming and coming, it was like a red waterfall brought directly from hell itself. Tom only stared up at the ceiling, gaze hazy as his eyes glazed over from the lack of sleep. He hadn't slept for days-weeks even, not any satisfying sleep anyway.

_And you caused it,_

Everything could be so much different if he had never worn his heart upon his sleeve, if he had never given the beating muscle to the god.

If he had just stayed alone and been pathetic by himself.

_And you caused it,_

All he wanted right now was someone to hold him, someone to kiss his forehead and tell him it was alright. But that wasn't going to happen.

_And you caused it_

Maybe- No. He was done with the “maybe’s”. It was over now and he had to accept that, it had been around a month since the ravenette had disappeared. It was time to get over it.

_Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette,_

His eyes stung but the tears had dried, making his cheeks feel flaky. His face was still flushed red from the screams he had emitted, his nose running slightly. Glancing up at the ceiling was all he could do as fatigue got the better of him, ultimatley slumping against the structure behind him.

He was no one to Loki now, nothing but a forgotten silhouette.

_A lifeless face that you'll soon forget,_

If someone had asked his opinion, Thomas didn't seem particularly lifeless, he seemed quite the opposite actually. He had always been so full of life, so jovial. But it seemed that not just his comrades had noticed his lack in spirit, the press saw it too.

_My eyes are damp from the words you left,_

Bringing up a dried, bloodied hand, the actor felt at his eyes. His fingertips grazed the salty water softly, feeling as the dampness touched his nails. There was no doubt in his head that this would change him, affect him in so many ways that he never thought would.

_Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest._

The words that he recalled, all the spiteful words bounced around in his skull. His heartstrings throbbed painfully as he fought to control his breath, it was like...

_Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest._

It was like his heart was dying. Dying, screaming, chanting into the void of how much pain it was in as it beat. It felt like he was dying, pain spreading throughout his chest as the urge to breathe became stronger. It was like he had just run a thousand miles without stopping, it was that feeling of when unimaginable, unbearable pain spreads throughout your chest when you've just had the wind knocked out of you.

_And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,_

His lip quivered as his fingers grabbed into another piece of glass within his foot, shoving it deeper into his heel so he really had something to cry about. And he did, he did cry, he shrieked. He fucking sobbed and yelled as agony ripped at his core, his very soul.

_'Cause most of us are bitter over someone._

Thomas just kept digging the sharp piece into the flesh farther, harder, rougher. He didn't let on, not until almost the whole shard was inside of his foot. There, he had a reason now.

Unknown to him, the very god had appeared within the house but only seconds ago. Quick enough to hear the sobs that pierced the air, to hear Tom's pain stricken screams.

_Setting fire to our insides for fun,_

Burying his face within his bloody palms was all he could do to quiet himself, adrenaline running through his veins. He was shaking, shaking hard enough to cause the table he was leaning against to vibrate against the wall.

Loki quickly sprinted throughout the house in an attempt to find the brunette, finding it difficult now that the volume had decreased significantly all of a sudden. Worry stabbed at his gut along with the unriveled guilt.

_To distract our hearts from ever missing them._

The Brit looked up from his hands to stare at the pool of crimson that swam around him. It was scary, terrifying even of how much someone could bleed without dying. What was even more horrifying was how much someones heart could crack, how someones soil could die without them breaking down. How much one could hide the pain while in public places but then loose all their composure once in the private enclosure of their home.

_But I'm forever missing him._

But he couldn't put the mask on anymore. He couldn't feign this fake joy any longer than he already had. How long had he and Loki been together, five years? Five years. Five years sent tumbling over the edge because of Tom's mortal weaknesses.

_And you caused it,_

His head lolled to the side, his brown curls bouncing slightly with the change in movement. Maybe he should just die, just die like the pathetic human that he was, the useless midguardian he was.

_And you caused it,_

Footsteps roused him from his thoughts and he looked up to see the ravenette before him, face in a shocked state as his eyes continued to widen. Tom mustve looked awful, covered in all this blood, he must've smelled disgusting as well. Blood never smelled good. None the less he managed to croak out a few words, his voice hoarse “I'm sorry.” More tears. More sobs. Despite the fragility he was showing, the vulnerability, he reached out. His arms weakly hanging above him, threatening to fall back to the ground.

Loki immidiatley dropped to his knees and grabbed Thomas up, wrapping his arms around the man and pulling his lithe form closer. The God's palms held onto the brunette's back, cradling him in a way, holding tightly onto him as if he would lose him. He should have never left.

_And you caused it_

The man sobbed into the ravenette’s shoulder, all his strength of shrouding his feelings gone at the moment. “I'm so sorry,” he croaked out again, “please…” Loki hushed him softly, feeling as the beads of sweat began to drip down the mortal’s forehead, he must've been in this state for such a long time...and it was all the God’s fault. “Silence for now..” was all the ravenette could whisper out, voice trembling with melancholy.

His pale hands reached down to graze over the multiple cuts across Tom's legs, along his feet. The human shied away from him, the pain must have been awful. Instead of prodding farther, Loki enveloped the brunette within his arms once again, letting his lover nestle into his shoulder as tears rained down his face. He wasn't crying anymore and the god couldn't really understand why, not until the dull ache of his own words fom the past caught up with him. 

“Dear Thomas, you are not weak,” he spoke out, voice shaking like a blade of grass in the wind. “But I-” Loki cut him off “you are perfect and I was in the wrong. You midguardian are fragile creatures and I should have known better. I should have treated you with more care, for you are like glass. And for that…” the god paused, treading over the options he had with care, “I am sorry.”

Tom's brows furrowed down further, his lips trembling as he frowned softly, more tears gushing out of his eyes. “Prove it.” Loki smirked softly, deep down it was an attempt to hide the pain within him and he was sure Tom knew it. Slowly he leaned down to kiss the brunette, moving down more and more until their lips met. The Brit’s soft cries returned, muted against the pair of lips against his.

Softly, Loki brought his hand over to his mortal's palm, lacing their fingers together and barely managing to resist the urge to flinch away when blood squeltched against his fingers. 

He didn't pull away until the tears began to dry, even then he still held the midguardian close. Softly, he stroked Thomas’ hair, letting his slender digits run through the strands of hair with fondness. Loki let his eyes shut as he rested his head upon the mess of curls. “I am sorry...and there's no way to prove it. There's no way to forgive it. But please don't apologize anymore, you have no need to…” the god trailed off as he saw the eyelids that covered those once gleaming eyes. With a sigh, he brought a light kiss down to Tom's forehead before lifting him into his arms and carrying him to his bed.


End file.
